i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize