You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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