I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
