Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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