What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
