So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
