I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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