Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize