There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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