were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
