dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
