ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
