I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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