Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize