Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
ttyl tear gas
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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