I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize