I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
