The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
