I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
