The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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