Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
