if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
