I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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