just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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