Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize