Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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