At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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