no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
