no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
