so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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