I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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