I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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