I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
