maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
