you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize