She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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