Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
