If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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