I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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