The maid of honor just puked.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
