So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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