My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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