This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
