Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize