Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
