i will never coherently bang her
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize