I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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