Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We were destined to go to rehab together
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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