please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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