but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
