She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
