mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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