Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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