Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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