And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
