quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
