just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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