we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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