Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
