I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
