i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
