I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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