Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
