i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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