dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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