I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
handjob tips. give me some.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
