Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Randomize
