Bisexual people are plain selfish.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
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