Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize