i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
