I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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