She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
