pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
