Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
