At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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