we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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