So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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