dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
