Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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