Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
