bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
