What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
