how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
