Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
