I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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