You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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