So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
