so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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