I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Damn victory sex feels great
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
