I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
