somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
