3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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