Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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