I just made out with a guy for $7.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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