i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
