I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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