So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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