There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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