i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
