I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
