zippers are such a cool invention
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
