hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
