I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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