If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
