it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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