i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
